Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2004

A person tries to get a replacement for a mail-order Widget.

Price includes 2 scripts.


8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females
  • 1 Female, 1 Male
  • 2 Males

Product Id: #269

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An excerpt …

(refund or widget?)

PITNEY: (enters, a bit confused, reading from a slip of paper) This must be it. (comparing his note to a sign on the wall) International Widget, Incorporated.

WADE: (entering … friendly) May I help you?

PITNEY: Is this International Widget?

WADE: Incorporated.

PITNEY: Oh good. I need to talk to someone about my Widget.

WADE: Would that be a broken Widget, a deformed Widget, or simply your preference for Widgets altogether?

PITNEY: It’s … uh … It’s a missing Widget actually. I ordered a Widget and it didn’t come.

WADE: Ah! Missing Widgets! You want Mr. Widgegone.


WADE: Could you please hold?

PITNEY: Hold what?

WADE: Stay right there. (Wade exits.)

(the whining expert looks very familiar)

WADE: (whining …very nasal) May I help you?

PITNEY: (looking at the sign above her door) I didn’t really come to complain.

WADE: (again, whining mightily) Well, thank goodness for that! Whining, whining, whining … that’s all I hear all day long. One … long … whine.

PITNEY: I want my Widget.

WADE: Don’t look at me. I didn’t take it.

PITNEY: They sent me here because I ordered a Widget and I haven’t received it.

WADE: You’re whining, aren’t you?

PITNEY: No, I’m not ….

WADE: Oh, I can tell when a whine is coming on. I’ve been in this business for a long time, mister.

(there is only one person who works at the company … and there are no widgets)

PITNEY: Okay, here goes. (deliberately) I ordered a Widget. The Widget did not arrive. Why didn’t I get my Widget?

WADE: Because there are no Widgets.

PITNEY: Okay, that’s fine … I just wanted ….What? Whatta you mean there are no Widgets?

WADE: There never were. There’s no such thing.

PITNEY: But I sent in my money!

WADE: I’ll send it back. I send all the money back. I tell them we’re out of stock and I send their money back. I’m not a crook.

PITNEY: But why do you …?

WADE: Oh, who knows? I thought it was good idea once. No one knows what a Widget is, so everybody wants one.


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