Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2004
A person tries to get a replacement for a mail-order Widget.
Price includes 2 scripts.
Duration8 - 10 minutes
- 2 Females
- 1 Female, 1 Male
- 2 Males
Product Id: #269
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An excerpt …
(refund or widget?)
PITNEY: (enters, a bit confused, reading from a slip of paper) This must be it. (comparing his note to a sign on the wall) International Widget, Incorporated.
WADE: (entering … friendly) May I help you?
PITNEY: Is this International Widget?
PITNEY: Oh good. I need to talk to someone about my Widget.
WADE: Would that be a broken Widget, a deformed Widget, or simply your preference for Widgets altogether?
PITNEY: It’s … uh … It’s a missing Widget actually. I ordered a Widget and it didn’t come.
WADE: Ah! Missing Widgets! You want Mr. Widgegone.
PITNEY: I do?
WADE: Could you please hold?
PITNEY: Hold what?
WADE: Stay right there. (Wade exits.)
(the whining expert looks very familiar)
WADE: (whining …very nasal) May I help you?
PITNEY: (looking at the sign above her door) I didn’t really come to complain.
WADE: (again, whining mightily) Well, thank goodness for that! Whining, whining, whining … that’s all I hear all day long. One … long … whine.
PITNEY: I want my Widget.
WADE: Don’t look at me. I didn’t take it.
PITNEY: They sent me here because I ordered a Widget and I haven’t received it.
WADE: You’re whining, aren’t you?
PITNEY: No, I’m not ….
WADE: Oh, I can tell when a whine is coming on. I’ve been in this business for a long time, mister.
(there is only one person who works at the company … and there are no widgets)
PITNEY: Okay, here goes. (deliberately) I ordered a Widget. The Widget did not arrive. Why didn’t I get my Widget?
WADE: Because there are no Widgets.
PITNEY: Okay, that’s fine … I just wanted ….What? Whatta you mean there are no Widgets?
WADE: There never were. There’s no such thing.
PITNEY: But I sent in my money!
WADE: I’ll send it back. I send all the money back. I tell them we’re out of stock and I send their money back. I’m not a crook.
PITNEY: But why do you …?
WADE: Oh, who knows? I thought it was good idea once. No one knows what a Widget is, so everybody wants one.
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