WHEREFORE ART WHO

Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2005

A girl ponders whether to try out for a school play. Is this a friendship or a shipwreck?

Price includes 2 scripts.

Duration

8 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females

Product Id: #272

Price
$12.00
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An excerpt …

(the star may not shine)

LAINIE: (running in, covering her ears) No! No! I quit and I mean it! I just can’t do it, Tommie!

TOMMIE: You’ve got to do it, Lainie! You’re signed up and you’re the best actress in the school.

LAINIE: But I’m scared!

TOMMIE: That’s normal! That’s okay! Romeo and Juliet is a tough play, but just think! Imagine it, Lainie! (takes her by the arm and points out to the great world beyond) Lainie Rostenberg … starring in William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet! Oh! It takes my breath away! My own, dearest friend up there onstage, proclaiming her love for the handsome Romeo … who by the way will be wearing tights! They’ll scream, Lainie! They’ll cheer and they’ll scream and you’ll be the greatest star that Woodrow Wilson Consolidated School District Number 27 has ever known!

(a reluctant star)

LAINIE: But Tommie, the biggest part I ever had was as one of the dancing trees in 4th-grade! I was a stupid tree, Lainie! I sang, (singing and dancing) “Have you ever, ever seen, bark so brown and leaves so green?” I was awful!

TOMMIE: You had the best limbs onstage, Lainie. And you had a line! I remember it!

LAINIE: So do I. “Oh please, Mr. Woodsman, spare this tree! Let me be! Let me be!”

TOMMIE: They applauded.

LAINIE: My mother applauded. She stood up and cheered and screamed and yelled, “That’s my Lainie! That’s my Laine!” The rest of the audience applauded just so she’d sit down.

(her friend has a clever twist)

TOMMIE: (suddenly grabbing Lainie’s arm and whirling her around to face her) How dare you!

LAINIE: How dare I what?

TOMMIE: How dare you audition for this play?!

LAINIE: Because you just talked me into it!

TOMMIE: I was wrong! I was crazy! I was kidding!

LAINIE: No you weren’t. You said I was great.

TOMMIE: You were awful! You stunk, Lainie! I’ve never heard such a sick Juliet in my life!

LAINIE: But you …

TOMMIE: (imitating her but overplaying it terribly) “Oh Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?” You sounded like … like a tree in a fourth-grade program!

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