Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2012

They’re flying the cheapest airline in the world. (Seatbelts cost extra.) The pilot falls asleep and ….

The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.


8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females, 1 Male

Product Id: #840

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An excerpt …

(Have you ever been on one of these flights?)

CAPTAIN TURBINE: (into the microphone) Good morning and welcome to Bare Bones United, the cheapest airline flying. Looks like we’ll have a full flight this morning so if you could make room on your lap for an extra passenger or two, we’d appreciate it. Sorry folks … that’s what keeps the prices so low at Bare Bones United. And for those of you who’ll have to stand today, don’t worry … it’s just a short flight between Bollingberg and Whifflehousen. If you are standing, feel free to grab onto anyone large.

GRINGOOD: (a flight attendant,entering) All passengers aboard, Captain.

CAPTAIN TURBINE: Good. That makes it easier. I hate it when they come running down the runway as we’re taking off. Bad for our image.

(cost cutting measures)

CAPTAIN TURBINE: Hey, fix me a cup of coffee before you go. I haven’t slept in three days.


CAPTAIN TURBINE: Another cost cutting measure. They only let us sleep twice a week. Coffee?

GRINGOOD: You got it. (pushes a couple of buttons.)

NEEDLEY: (offstage) I’m waiting!

GRINGOOD: I’ve got to get that lady to shut up. She’ll have everyone nervous.

NEEDLEY: My coffee?

GRINGOOD: It’s almost ready. (Gringood exits.)

(landing the plane)

NEEDLEY: Whatever you do, don’t touch the green stick.

GRINGOOD: Ahh! (letting go of the stick)

NEEDLEY: Grab the red one.

GRINGOOD: Red … red … (grabs it) Got it.

NEEDLEY: Now slowly pull it back. (she does) Too fast! Too fast! Line up your nose on the dotted line. (Gringood searches around the cockpit) On the runway! On the runway!

GRINGOOD: My nose?

NEEDLEY: The plane! The plane’s nose! Line it up! Now pull back the red stick. Don’t touch the green stick!


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