TUB TALK

Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 1995

When Freida gets in the tub, husband Herb appears to get on the phone for some continuous comedy.

Price includes 2 scripts.

Duration

8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 1 Female, 1 Male

Product Id: #228

Price
$12.00
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An excerpt …

(Herb, the perpetually teasing husband, is in the living room. His wife, Freida, is in the tub.)

FREIDA: Herb? You got the phone?

HERB: What?

FREIDA: The phone, you dumbskull! You’re sittin’ right beside it! You got the phone?

HERB: I can’t talk now. The phone’s ringin’. (into the phone)  Uh-huh ... Uh-huh ...Yeh ... Sure do.

FREIDA: Herb! Who is it?

HERB: Just a minute! I’m on the phone!

FREIDA: I know you’re on the phone! I’m askin’ who it is you’re talkin’ to!

HERB: Why is it every time the phone rings, you start talkin’?

(It sounds like a telemarketer.)

HERB: Be with you in a minute, Freida.  Uh-huh ... Uh-huh ...Well sure ... I mean if it won’t cost me nothin’.

FREIDA: Herb! Is somebody tryin’ to sell you somethin’? Herb, if that’s a salesman, hang up!

HERB: Freida, I’m tryin’ to talk on the phone.

FREIDA: You’ll never dial another number once I get done with you! Is that a salesman?

HERB: No, Freida. It sounds like sort of a cute little gal. She says she was just takin’ a survey.

FREIDA: ‘Cute little gal?’ How’d they know I was in the tub and you’d be answerin’ the phone?

(Just teasing.)

HERB: Don’t worry. It was just Marvin Johnson wonderin’ if I was wantin’ to go fishin’ this afternoon. Just thought you needed a little charge.

FREIDA: (he leaves and Freida turns to the audience, wet and frazzled) There are two whole columns in  Funk and Wagner’s (sic) encyclopedia on Ways to Get Rid of Unwanted Household Pets.  There’s an entire chapter on Justifiable Homicide. In the public library I found a whole book on Types of Medieval Torture. Soon as I find somthin’ on How to Pass the Time While Servin’ Out a Life Sentence, I’ll be springin’ into action. The man has seen his last sunrise. You ever in our little town of Coonridge, stop by. We may not answer the door but you’ll enjoy the trip.

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