THIS FAMILY IS BUGGED
Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 1995
Relatively speaking ... we've got 'em. Borus Kodachromus, the One-Up Beetle, the Kentucky Sanders Bug ... and humorous othersyou'll recognize at family reunions.
Duration8 - 10 minutes
- 1 Male
- 1 Female
Product Id: #108
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An excerpt …
(Welcome to the reunion.)
Uncle Harris used to say that the definition of a “relative” was “an acquaintance of the non-optional sort.” He allowed as how they were something on the order of warts and digestive problems: You were either born with them or developed them as you went along ... but in either case they were impossible to avoid if you lived along enough.
I’ve been required to attend a number of these Sunday outings in the Midwest undergrowth. I have sorted and classified the various types of in-laws, outlaws and there-oughtabe-a-laws. If your tastes run toward the insect kingdom or if you’ve just attended a family reunion of your own then you might recognize a few.
(There are some strange bugs out there!)
The ADOLESCENTUS IMPATIENTUS. The Impatientus is a bug of any species somewhere between the larva and adult stages. They tend to hang around the edges of family reunions jangling the keys to their cars and mumbling such enlightened phrases as “Mom can I go now!” and “You told that story last year, Uncle Harvey.” The Impatientus is among the most harassed of the insect kingdom, being constantly assailed by cheek-squeezing aunts, backslapping uncles and such comments as “My gosh! I can’t believe how you’ve grown!” The female of the
species is especially irritated by Great Uncle Marvin’s “Why, you’re bigger than your Mom !”
(Also on the list …)
The newest bug to be developed by Oriental research labs is the CAMUS CORDUS. The Camus Cordus is born with a VCR camera permanently attached to its shoulder and insists on recording every moment of every family reunion. This most obnoxious of all picnic pests is especially fond of creeping up from the backside and taking pictures of how poorly somebody’s bottom fits into a lawn chair. The bug has been suspected of carrying an infectious virus which causes the other bugs to huddle together and smile insipid smiles while waving at the camera and mouthing “Hi, Mom!” whenever the Camus Cordus appears. The only known insecticide for this new strain of insect is a dead battery.
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