THE ROYAL SHUFFLE

Group - Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2016

Poor King Rupert just doesn’t quite have the hang of the job. The Queen Mother and the less-than-faithful servant Loxley try to help him learn the ropes. Turns out the king’s only real defense against his enemies is his training in interpretive dance. Sound strange? It is!

The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.

Duration

8 - 11 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females, 1 Male
  • 1 Female, 2 Males

Product Id: #862

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Price
$18.00
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An excerpt …

Characters (3): King Rupert; Loxley, his less-than-faithful servant; Marigold, the Queen Mother

LOXLEY: Announcing! His Majesty! Supreme Ruler of the kingdoms of Lilliput, Darmasoot, Kittyroot and Pussyfoot! Sovereign Monarch and Potentate of the Sandwich Islands, Greece, Turkey, Sirloin and the French Isle of Fries! And Ultimate Ruler of everything in between here and there and everywhere! His Majesty! King Rupert!

RUPERT: (peeking out, tentatively) Is that my cue?

LOXLEY: That was your cue, Your Majesty.

RUPERT: Could you say it again? I wasn’t paying attention.

LOXLEY: Okay. Short version: Here comes the King!

RUPERT: (entering royally) Thank you! Thank you! No, no, no applause. Thank you. So nice of you to come. I’m the King. Who are you?

MARIGOLD: (entering) Weak.

RUPERT: What?

MARIGOLD: Wimpy. Weak. Not even close to kingly.

RUPERT: My walk? My talk? What?

MARIGOLD: Your walk, your talk, your everything. Rupert, you’re a poor excuse for a king.

RUPERT: But mother!

MARIGOLD: You’ve got to address your subjects for the first time in a few minutes and you’re not even close.

LOXLEY: (looking out an imaginary window) His royal subjects are gathered in the courtyard, Queen Mother.

MARIGOLD: Oh drat. We need more time. Rupert, you aren’t even close to being your father. It was such an inconvenience when he died.

LOXLEY: It was terrible, Your Grace.

RUPERT: How exactly did he … ?

MARIGOLD: Oh, that stupid horse. I told your father to get rid of that old horse. He was addressing his troops just before the Battle of Hemoglobin … and you know how your father tended to go on and on. Well, his horse became bored, then fell asleep and fell over on top of your father. Squashed him flat.

LOXLEY: It was a beautiful funeral, Your Grace.

MARIGOLD: After we scraped him up off the pavement. Flat as a pancake but we sort of rolled him up into a coffin and buried him. He looked like an eggroll. (looking at Rupert) And now we’re stuck with you.

RUPERT: But I think I’ll make a most wonderful king, Mother. The outfit! Just look at my gorgeous outfit! (turning around)

MARIGOLD: You look like a party favor … like a cheap gift at a bridal shower. Are those yellow tights?

LOXLEY: Sunburst. They’re called sunburst.

MARIGOLD: It looks like someone put a canary in a blender. Oh, I wish I’d had two sons. This will never work.

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