Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2007

A couple wants a hotel room. The staff is straight out of a weird late-night movie.

The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.


7 - 9 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females, 3 Males

Product Id: #807

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An excerpt …

(Fred and Myrna stop for a hotel room.)

Fred: You just said this was a hotel!

Winfred: That was me? Well, what can I do for you?

Fred: We … would like … a room!

Winfred: Do you have luggage?

Fred: (holding up an imaginary suitcase) What do you call this?!

Winfred: I don’t know. We’ve just met. Does it have a name?

Fred: A suitcase! It’s a suitcase!

Myrna: Fred, let’s go. This place is …

Fred: Let’s just get a room and get away from this nut.

Winfred: Welcome to the Hotel Stupid!

Fred: What’d you call me?

(The staff is as strange as the desk clerk.)

Winfred: (banging an imaginary bell) Porter! Oh, porter!

Igor: (enters. A very strange person, somewhat contorted) Yes, master?

Winfred: Igor, Mr. and Mrs. Blackheart would like to go to their room.

Fred: That’s not our name! I didn’t even tell you our name!

Winfred: Well, since you didn’t tell me, I just made something up. I believe in personal service. Igor! To your job!

Igor: Yes, master! (taking a noble pose, then) "What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties! In form and moving, how express and admirable!”

Myrna: What’s he doing?

Winfred: Quoting Shakespeare.

Fred: Why isn’t he carrying our bags?

Winfred: Bad back. Instead he quotes Shakespeare.

(It’s a full-service stop.)

Myrna: Fred! Look out the window! Our car! The wheels are gone!

Fred: What?!

Winfred: It’s a little service we provide. We take off your tires and put them to bed for the night. Remember, they’ve had a long, hard day on the road.

Fred: You took off my tires?

Winfred: No charge. It’s our way of saying Thank You.

Igor: “Good night! Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow!”

Myrna: I’m getting a funny feeling about this place, Fred.

Fred: I’ve had one since we got here. (to Winfred) Put the tires back on my car!

Winfred: What?

Fred: I want my tires back!

Winfred: You can’t do that!

Myrna: Why not?

Winfred: They’re sleeping! You can’t … I mean, you can’t just wake up a little tire when he’s … tired!

Fred: Tires don’t get tired!

Winfred: How do you think they got the name?


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