THE HOTEL STUPID
Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2007
A couple wants a hotel room. The staff is straight out of a weird late-night movie.The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.
Duration7 - 9 minutes
- 2 Females, 3 Males
Product Id: #807
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An excerpt …
(Fred and Myrna stop for a hotel room.)
Fred: You just said this was a hotel!
Winfred: That was me? Well, what can I do for you?
Fred: We … would like … a room!
Winfred: Do you have luggage?
Fred: (holding up an imaginary suitcase) What do you call this?!
Winfred: I don’t know. We’ve just met. Does it have a name?
Fred: A suitcase! It’s a suitcase!
Myrna: Fred, let’s go. This place is …
Fred: Let’s just get a room and get away from this nut.
Winfred: Welcome to the Hotel Stupid!
Fred: What’d you call me?
(The staff is as strange as the desk clerk.)
Winfred: (banging an imaginary bell) Porter! Oh, porter!
Igor: (enters. A very strange person, somewhat contorted) Yes, master?
Winfred: Igor, Mr. and Mrs. Blackheart would like to go to their room.
Fred: That’s not our name! I didn’t even tell you our name!
Winfred: Well, since you didn’t tell me, I just made something up. I believe in personal service. Igor! To your job!
Igor: Yes, master! (taking a noble pose, then) "What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties! In form and moving, how express and admirable!”
Myrna: What’s he doing?
Winfred: Quoting Shakespeare.
Fred: Why isn’t he carrying our bags?
Winfred: Bad back. Instead he quotes Shakespeare.
(It’s a full-service stop.)
Myrna: Fred! Look out the window! Our car! The wheels are gone!
Winfred: It’s a little service we provide. We take off your tires and put them to bed for the night. Remember, they’ve had a long, hard day on the road.
Fred: You took off my tires?
Winfred: No charge. It’s our way of saying Thank You.
Igor: “Good night! Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow!”
Myrna: I’m getting a funny feeling about this place, Fred.
Fred: I’ve had one since we got here. (to Winfred) Put the tires back on my car!
Fred: I want my tires back!
Winfred: You can’t do that!
Myrna: Why not?
Winfred: They’re sleeping! You can’t … I mean, you can’t just wake up a little tire when he’s … tired!
Fred: Tires don’t get tired!
Winfred: How do you think they got the name?
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