Humorous-serious, by Robert L. Crowe, 2011

Two birds have a philosophical talk about hunting for food.

Price includes 2 scripts.


7 - 9 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Males

Product Id: #305

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An excerpt …

(two birds meet)

SPARROW: Hi! Anybody sitting here?

HAWK: (looks at him with some disdain) I guess not. Have a perch.

SPARROW: I don’t eat fish.

HAWK: Huh? What?

SPARROW: Oh … I have a delightful sense of humor. See, perch has more than one meaning. It’s a place to sit and it’s a kind of fish.

HAWK: (without emotion) Oh. Sure. Have a perch.

SPARROW: (sits) Do you eat fish?

HAWK: No. I think you are confusing me with an eagle. I’m a hawk.

SPARROW: I’m a sparrow. [Note: If you want to do this part with a British accent, use the line: “I’m an English sparrow.”]

(The sparrow wants the hawk to change)

SPARROW: I’m not as interested in military tactics as I am in philosophy. Your entire life is based upon killing. Why don’t you change your eating habits? I mean, there are a lot of big things that get by without killing other things. Think of the Apatosaurus and the Triceratops. Big … really big dinosaurs that ate leaves.

HAWK: And where are they now?

SPARROW: That’s beside the point. The point is that there are big … things … that don’t have to eat other … things. Think about it.

HAWK: I don’t have to think about it. It’s natural. It’s me. I’ve always been this way.

SPARROW: How about this idea. You can move in with me and study. I can show you where the good corn fields are and how to crack a nut.

HAWK: (a long pause as the hawk slowly turns and looks at the sparrow) There’s a really good line in there someplace but I won’t say it.

(reality returns)

SPARROW: Yes, yes I know. I’m not saying that isn’t the system now. What I wonder is whether the two of us … as a starting point … could change the system. There must be a way. Corn grows without killing anything; pollen from the flowers is free; nuts are all over the ground and most of the year there is fruit growing on trees. Maybe if we start … as a single voice … well, two voices ... we could recruit others and eventually change the world. Whatta ya think? (A brief pause while the hawk is staring at something in the distance off stage left.) How about it?

HAWK: Sure, kid, sure. Hang on. There’s a small rabbit. I think I can take him. (Exits stage left. The sparrow watches briefly, gives a big sigh and exits stage right.)


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