THE GUIDE

Comedy, by Robert L. Crowe, 2009

A volunteer guide at the Art Institute meets an elementary school tour group. They win.

Duration

5 - 7 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 1 Male
  • 1 Female

Product Id: #132

Price
$6.00
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An excerpt …

(The slide show is a bit rocky.)

(clicks remote) This is an example of African Art. It’s from Ghana. … No, I’m not saying “gonna” as in “It’s gonna be good pizza.” Ghana is a country and is named for the “Ancient Empire of Ghana” that stretched from … Empire. Empire. Not umpire. The art piece in this picture is only five inches high and is made of pure gold. OOOOOO – yes. Real gold. It is a paperweight and is called, “Man with Pipe and Powder Keg.” … I don’t know what he is smoking. … You are right. We all should learn not to sit on a powder keg when we smoke. Thank you for that.

(The guide tries to stay on task.)

(clicks remote) We have a very large collection of French Impressionists. This is a picture of Monet’s Garden. Notice the brush strokes of color … Swimming? No, I don’t think he went swimming in that pond. … Yes, there is a lot of junk floating on it. There are other Impressionist … (clicks remote) woops! (clicks remote again) No, I will not go back. That was a Renoir and your teacher wants to skip that wing of the building. No, Renoir did not paint for magazine centerfolds.

(The frustration increases.)

What?  … No, I am not rich. How much I get paid is not part of the presentation. But, if you must know, I am a docent. … No, not decent. I am not a “decent” … That is, the word is “docent.” It means “guide.” And I am a volunteer. (louder) I am a student who volunteers to help here while I am STUDYING TO BE A TEACHER!

Just a moment, please. (she steps to the side and someone whispers to her) Oh. A change of plans. Miss Alexander will be conducting the tour with you. I have a headache. Have a nice day.

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