THE GRANDMA CONSPIRACY
Monologue - Serious/Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2015
It's a plot by Grandma to bring happiness to lonely people. Her motto: "Anyone can be normal. Why bother?" Her grandchild details all the "trouble" she causes.
Duration7 - 10 minutes
- 1 Male
- 1 Female
Product Id: #142
An excerpt …
It’s a plot. Sort of. A conspiracy. I looked up the word and I think I got it right. Maybe “scheme” is a better word. But if I get arrested, don’t blame me. It’s my grandma’s fault.
Let me tell you about Grandma. For one thing, she doesn’t look much like a grandmother. Grandmothers are supposed to sit around in rocking chairs drinking tea and watching soap operas. My grandma drives a yellow Mustang, lives on Dr. Pepper, and she can beat me in most video games. She’s sort of a whacko and that’s why I love her. She always tells me, “Anybody can be normal. Why bother?” I really do hope we don’t get arrested.
You see, we’ve been causing some trouble in the neighborhood. . . Grandma and I. Nobody’s caught us yet. Grandma says that if we ever get caught she can blame it on being old and forgetful and I can make up my own excuse. Grandma does that to people sometimes. She gets you into trouble.
It all started when she was taking me to ball practice in her Mustang. Did I mention it’s a convertible? It was a nice spring day and we went by the house of an older lady who was sitting out on her porch, just staring at the street. “Look at that!” said Grandma. “That’s terrible!” Okay, Grandma just blurts things out at times, but this seemed sort of . . .well . . . mean.
I said, “Grandma, what are you talking about?”
She looked at the lady on her porch then looked at me and said, “She’s just sitting there! All alone! That’s awful!” I didn’t see anything wrong with someone sitting on her porch, but like I said, Grandma’s a bit different. Before I knew what was going on, she slammed on the brakes and stopped the car.
I said, “What’s going on?”
She looked at me and said, “Get with the program, kid!” The car had barely stopped rolling when Grandma jumped out and walked right up to the lady’s porch so I followed her.
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