THE GRAND TOUR
Monologue - Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2013
A guided tour of the family home describing a sports obsessed father, an all-knowing mother, a very messy brother and a sister who thinks she is a princess.
Duration6 - 9 minutes
- 1 Male
- 1 Female
Product Id: #139
An excerpt …
(the tour begins)
Good morning! And welcome to the museum tour! You are the first group of visitors to my museum so you’re sort of my test audience. I know that there’s never been an exhibit like this one, but I need some spending money and so I thought, “Hey! Why not charge people to take a peek at one of the oddest exhibits ever displayed before mankind!” So … welcome to my Family! Now if you’ll just step this way …
Two years ago we had a grease fire in the kitchen and the fireman had to carry him out on his couch. Most fossils are surrounded by bedrock or shale deposits. Dad is covered in Fritos. Many of these Fritos can be traced back to the early Triassic period of history when dinosaurs roamed the earth and there were only three TV channels available. What? Yes, he’s breathing … He’s just not responding. When you ask him a question he’ll grunt, “Uh-huh” or when he gets really talkative he’ll say, “Go ask your mother.”
If you’ll now follow me down the hallway to my little brother’s bedroom … or as we call it, the Area of Mass Destruction. His name is Bobby although he’s registered with the state as just a number. My mother says that he is my parents’ natural born child, but as you will observe, there’s nothing natural about him unless you put him in the category of earthquakes and plagues. The furnishings in his room may be original, but it’s hard to tell since he’s managed to destroy nearly everything not made of titanium. Some of our visitors say that Bobby’s room reminds them of a garden, but the things that are growing here were never planted. You don’t plant mold.
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