Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2006

A couple sign up for a scary evening at a frightening Bed and Breakfast.

The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.


8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females, 3 Males

Product Id: #804

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An excerpt …

(so, you found the B&B)

FRED: (entering, holding a suitcase) Come on, Penny! This is the place.

PENNY:  (stumbling in with her own load of cases) I’m coming! I’m coming! (stops, looks around) This is it?

FRED: (reading a note in his hand) The Ghastly Arms Bed and Breakfast. “A Night to Remember.”

PENNY: You got that right. (turns to go) I’m leaving.

FRED: (stopping her) What?

PENNY:  This place is creepy, Fred!  Who decorates with colored bats and cobwebs?

FRED: That’s all part of the charm, Penny. It must be their gimmick. Come on, you’re the one who likes scary movies. This is gonna be a blast.

(dinner is served)

EMBALMIA: (suddenly appearing, another ghastly figure with the same expressionless stare as Lothar) Good --- Evening. Your salad. (she places the salad in front of the couple) What sort of dressing would you prefer?

FRED: What do you have?

EMBALMIA: White stuff, clear stuff, lumpy stuff, and some really interesting red stuff.

PENNY:  Fred!

FRED: We’ll take the … uh … white stuff.

EMBALMIA: (smiles an evil smile) Excellent choice. (she turns to a side table and picks up a small container of the white stuff and begins to pour it on Fred’s salad) Tell me when.

FRED: (after she’s poured a bit) Uh … that’ll be fine. (Embalmia heads for Penny’s salad)

PENNY:  (stopping her) When! When! I … uh ... I’m allergic to white stuff.

EMBALMIA: (smiles) Interesting. (and she exits)

PENNY:  (as Fred begins to eat) Fred! Don’t eat that!

FRED: It’s just salad!

PENNY:  I saw it move! Fred, I swear I saw your salad move!

(the husband, Fred,  has had enough)

FRED: Get away from us! I’m warning you! Get away from us! Penny, the door’s open. Make a break for it!

PENNY:  But Fred …!

FRED: Don’t argue! This is our chance!

LOTHAR: Oh, we wouldn’t think of you leaving so soon!

FRED: (dashing past them, out the door, and he is gone) Out of my way!

LOTHAR: (turning slowly to Penny) So … we’re left alone.

PENNY:  At last. (the three look at each other for a long beat, then one by one, burst into laughter)

EMBALMIA: I think you fooled him.

PENNY:  He said he wanted something different. Come on out of there, Floyd.

ISTANBUL: (entering) Somebody take this arm off. The thing’s killing me.

LOTHAR: I think you better tell him the truth.


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