Monologue - Comedy, by Robert L. Crowe, 2013

A TV host provides detailed instructions (and warnings) on how to bathe a cat. If you haven't tried it you wouldn't understand.


6 - 9 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 1 Male
  • 1 Female

Product Id: #140

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An excerpt …

(the TV program begins)

Thank you for tuning in today to Channel One, the first number in TV entertainment. Each week at this time we bring you exciting adventures from all over the world. Our regular viewers remember that last week I did the program “Hand Fishing for Water Moccasins.” Before that it was “Grab a Gator by the Tail,” and voted as the viewer favorite of the month, “How to Slap a Bengal Tiger and Tell About It.”

(the first rule)

Rule One in preparing to bathe a cat is to prepare yourself. Notice, now, that I am getting dressed for the occasion. This is a baseball chest protector (As she slips it on, she continues talking.) ... (puts on gloves) These are hockey gloves. The gloves are a little awkward but worth the bother. Oh, I can hear you say, “Where will I get hockey gloves?” The obvious answer is “at a sporting goods store.” But, you don’t have to use hockey gloves … welders’ gloves will do nicely. I’ll take these off for the moment. (She does.) And this is a bee-keeper’s hat. (holds it up for the camera and then puts it on) It doesn’t give much protection from the cat, but there is a chance that the cat will not recognize you and hold a grudge. (removes hat)

(a warning)

You are watching this program because, like me, you are a cat lover so I don’t have to spend much time explaining cats. Cats have this attitude. They think they are superior to us and simply tolerate us between feedings. Why are cats the way they are? Thousands of years ago the Egyptians worshipped cats and there’s a part of them that still remembers. Perhaps you think your cat doesn’t like you now, or is at least luke-warm about your presence. Savor that feeling because it’s going to get worse when you’re done.


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