Comedy, by Robert L. Crowe, 2009

A misfit and bungling crew is on a space voyage. Hope that mission control isn’t listening

The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.


7 - 9 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 3 Females, 2 Males
  • 1 Female, 4 Males
  • 4 Females, 1 Male
  • 5 Males
  • 2 Females, 3 Males
  • 5 Females

Product Id: #817

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An excerpt …

(The ship is in outer space)

WICKETT: (Wickett is not a robot but he speaks in very concise, clipped language.) Captain. We need to adjust steering. Alter the course of the space ship three degrees left.

CAPTAIN: (working w cell phone) Just a minute. This thing won’t work. I thought that my cell phone would get better reception in outer space. No trees, no buildings. I wonder what the problem is. (into phone) Can you hear me?

WICKETT: If the course is not adjusted immediately, we will miss the planet Jerry by 2.7 billion miles.

CAPTAIN: Oh, all right. (Says into the phone that doesn’t work) Hold on. (Puts phone away and adjusts the steering of the ship.) (To Wickett) There. That ought to keep you quiet for a while.

LAUREN: (to Captain) Hey, Dude.  How comes you’re always picking on Wickett? He’s only doing his job. If if weren’t for him, instead of the Zeninx Galaxy, you’d have us in Cleveland.

(The voyage has a few problems.)

WICKETT: Ship is turning. An asteroid must have hit a steering stabilizer. Adjust course.

CAPTAIN: I can’t! The de-stablizer isn’t stable. We’re adrift!

LAUREN: Oh, in that case I know exactly what to do. (pushes imaginary drink cart and walks through group.) Coffee, tea, Sprite? Duty free purchases?

PARSONS: I’ll have an apple juice. (to group) Apple juice has Vitamin A. That’s why apple starts with an A.

LAUREN: Who is Captain of this ship?


LAUREN: That’s why idiot starts with i.

(The crew is prepared for any emergency.)

WICKETT: Attention Captain and crew. Intruder alert. Intruder alert! The biosphere gyroscope indicates an alien presence!

CAPTAIN: Oh, good. I like presents. I remember when I was a boy and got my first jet bike. It was …

WICKETT: Red alert. The alien force is inside the space ship!

CAPTAIN: Attention alien forces … and beings. We come in peace! We believe in all humanity … even if it isn’t human. We are friends of all in the universe!

SMEDLEY: What if it’s a boo-boo and wants to kill us?

CAPTAIN: Uhhh … and we are enemies to our enemies … but since we can’t see you we would rather be friends.

WICKETT: The alien is gone. The gyroscope no longer finds an invader.

LAUREN: Hey. I know how the alien feels. I wouldn’t stay here either if I didn’t have to. Lucky invaders, They get to just disappear.

SMEDLEY: I want to go home.


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