OH, GROW UP!

Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2004

Two young girls contemplate being more mature — then discard the idea!

Price includes 2 scripts.

Duration

8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females

Product Id: #266

Price
$12.00
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An excerpt …

(two girls have a serious chat)

GRETCHEN: Sit, Jackie! Sit! (Jackie sits, crosses her arms, a bit miffed but curious) I’ve wanted to have this talk for a long time.

JACKIE: What talk? We aren’t talking, you’re talking, and if I’m not at cheer practice in ten minutes they have to find a new bottom for their pyramid.

GRETCHEN: Oh thou of small thoughts and childish concerns.

JACKIE: Are you sick? You didn’t eat the tuna today, did you? (standing) Gretchen, you should never, never eat the school tuna.

GRETCHEN: Sit, Jackie! (she does) Tuna fish is not my problem, my friend. It’s you! And me!

JACKIE: I had the cheeseburger. I didn’t touch the tuna.

GRETCHEN: Could you possibly manage to just stop talking for one moment and listen to me?

JACKIE: Eight minutes. I now have only eight minutes.

(It’s difficult to get her attention.)

GRETCHEN: (going to her, desperate) Jackie, this is no joke. I’m not crazy. I was walking down the hall yesterday when the most amazing revelation just came to me! And I had to share it with you, my best friend in the world!

JACKIE: You’re flunking math? Gretchen, I’ve told you that I can help you with that if you …

GRETCHEN: I am not flunking math! This is bigger than math! It’s as big as life itself! Look, work with me on this … try to follow me. Everywhere we go, people tell us to grow up. You ask your mom if you can have a certain CD or outfit or concert tickets and she looks and what does she say?

JACKIE: “Oh grow up.”

GRETCHEN: Right! Yes! Yes! We get caught passing notes in English or we forget to bring our shorts to P.E. or we make too much noise in the lunch line and somebody always turns to us and says …

(More examples.)

GRETCHEN: This is not a major thing, Jackie! It’s just a pin with Mickey waving. People wave!

JACKIE: It’s that pin you’re wearing. Mice do not cling to people’s shirts with a stupid smile on their face and wave at people. That is … that is childish!

GRETCHEN: (aghast) Oh! How could you say such a thing? (to her pin) She didn’t mean it, Mickey. She’s talking crazy. Please don’t cry.

JACKIE: You’re talking to your shirt. I’m ready to walk out into the world as a changed woman and you are talking to your shirt.

GRETCHEN: Please! Please let me keep Mickey! I never go anywhere without Mickey!

JACKIE: I do.

GRETCHEN: Where?

JACKIE: Cheerleading practice.  (begins to leave)

GRETCHEN: But Jackie!

JACKIE: Face it, Gretchen, we’re girls. Girls. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Let’s just give it time, okay?

GRETCHEN: (a pause, then) Maybe next year?

JACKIE: Yeh. Or the year after. (taking Gretchen’s hands) But we’ll get there, okay? (taking something from her pocket) Gummy Bear?

GRETCHEN: (takes it) Thanks. (pops it into her mouth, chews a moment then) I like the red ones better.

JACKIE: Oh, grow up.

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