Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2011

An expert is going to train girls to succeed in Jr. High. One doesn’t like the games.

The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.


7 - 9 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 4 Females

Product Id: #836

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An excerpt …

(a JR. Hi know-it-all

DARLENE: No. No, you can suffer through your Jr. High years without the proper skills and make a total mess of things. Or … you can listen to me and learn to compete in Darlene’s Jr. High Olympics. You know, starving kids in China would love to have me as a life coach!

ERIN: A life coach?

DARLENE: An instructor! A guide! Face it, girls, I’m about the most popular girl in this school. You should thank me for what I’m about to teach you. (to Missy) Why are you so quiet?

MISSY: Uh … may I be excused? I have a math test tomorrow.

(the Olympics are underway)

DARLENE: We’ve moved on, Erin. Event number two in the Middle School Olympics.  Texting! Get out your phones! When I say go, text in this message! (Erin and Jessica retrieve their imaginary phones) (speaking quickly) “Oh my gosh! Did you see what she’s wearing today? I’ve got to type fast because the teacher’s watching me and we’re supposed to be watching a video on the digestive system but it’s all … you know … yuck ... and besides digestion makes me think of lunch and we’re having chicken nuggets for the third time this week and they’re all hard and cold by the time we get to it and besides I’m not eating this week anyway, and now I’ve got to go because she’s taking my cell phone.” Stop!

(looking Erin and Jessica’s phones) So? How’d we do? Get it all? Uh-huh … nice … nice … terrible spelling but great finger speed. (to Mindy) You didn’t text?

MISSY: I don’t text. It takes too much time.

JESSICA: You don’t text?

ERIN: How do you breathe?

(a non-believer?)

MISSY: I think you care more about how you look to other people than what you’re like inside.

JESSICA: This isn’t turning out well.

MISSY: I really don’t mean to hurt your feelings by calling you rude, mean, and immature …

JESSICA: (to Darlene) Yeah. Don’t take it personally.

MISSY: But anyone who gives me advice that’s going to hurt me … well … I’m sorry. I just can’t be their friend.

ERIN: Uh … Darlene? You aren’t saying anything.

JESSICA: She’s just standing there.

MISSY: I’ll see you guys in class. (she turns to go)


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