HEADS UP!

Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2006

Two heads appear on a table (that’s right) and talk about their opinions — about hands, feet and that sort of thing.

Price includes 2 scripts.

Duration

8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females
  • 1 Female, 1 Male
  • 2 Males

Product Id: #287

Price
$12.00
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An excerpt …

(Two heads, Cabeza and Capo, rest upon a table. They can be heads of either sex.)

CABEZA: (wakes, yawns) So. How’d you sleep?

CAPO: Good. You?

CABEZA: Okay. Rolled around a little. Think I’ve got a crick in my neck.

CAPO: Sorry.

CABEZA: I’ll make it. You think this’ll be the day?

CAPO: Maybe. No need to get our hopes up. Looks like the shop’s about to open. Is it raining? I can’t see from here.

CABEZA: Nope. Sunshine. Ought to bring in a few customers. Came close yesterday. The lady even had me in her shopping cart then changed her mind and went for a redhead.

CAPO: Redheads always sell fast. I can remember when you couldn’t give away a redhead and now everybody wants one.  My grandpa was a redhead. He sat on a shelf at the general store for three years before anybody bought him. If granddad was alive today he’d be ahead.

(Some shoppers come by their table)

CAPO: Here comes another one! Try smiling this time! (Both burst into huge smiles, but their eyes indicate that another customer has passed them by, then) You smiled too big.

CABEZA: Me?

CAPO: That wasn’t a smile. That was a smirk. Who wants a head with a stupid grin? You looked like a horror movie.

CABEZA: So how should I smile?

CAPO: Pleasant. That’s all. Just be pleasant. Look … watch me. Just a pleasant little smile that says, “I’m a nice head. Take me home with you.” (CAPO smiles) This? This is “I’m gonna steal your children while they’re sleeping!” (makes a hideous smile)

CABEZA: Maybe I just don’t have what it takes.

(Some hands appear.)

CABEZA: But they’re … well … they’re hands. I mean, just common everyday hands. I couldn’t let them.

CAPO: How bad’s the itch?

CABEZA: Terrible. The itch is terrible.

CAPO: (to one of the hands) Uh … look guys. I know he hasn’t been very sensitive to you two, but … I mean if you could just sort of ... (the hands come to attention.  They “look” at each other) Yeh … just …

CABEZA: Don’t let them get near me!

CAPO: Shut up! Would you for once just shut up! Go to it, boys! (and the two hands give Cabeza’s head a good scratching. At first he protests then the most wonderful look of delight comes over his face)

CABEZA: Ah … oh … oh, yes. Thank you! Thank you! (the two hands stop their scratching and Cabeza is greatly relieved) Oh, that felt good! I mean, that was wonderful. I had no idea that two … uh … hands could be that wonderful!

CAPO: Think maybe we ought to go easy on criticizing things that aren’t like us?

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