HAPPILY NEVER AFTER
Comedy, by Kelsey Larson, 2007
Snow White manages a fix-it shop but gets confused easily when a variety of characters call for help.
Duration5 - 6 minutes
- 1 Female
Product Id: #128
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An excerpt …
(The audience is touring her facility.)
Hi everybody! Thanks for stopping by our office today. I’ll be glad to take some time and tell you what we do. As you know this is the fix-it-up service, “Whistle While You Work.” I’m Snow White, the office manager. We specialize in cleaning but we also take odd jobs, too. (she hears phone #1 ringing and moves to the phone location) Oh, excuse me! I need to take this phone call.
(on phone) “Whistle While You Work, where we clean white as snow!” How may I help you? Why, hello Tinker Bell! (aside to audience) This is an odd job. (to Tinker) So good to hear from you. You say you want a clean sweep of your entire household? The Lost Boys are making a mess again? What a shame! One moment please while I locate your address. (She puts down the phone and types into a computer)
(There are 2 phones and she forgets ….)
S-o-o-o sorry to keep you waiting. I have my book here ... now. Who is this? Oh, yes ... Jasmine. You want us to polish a lamp? No? Oh ... (thumbs through pages in book) that was last time. It’s the carpet isn’t it ... pets can be such a bother. We’ll send an associate, Ali Babba, around to fetch the carpet. Same to you. Bye. (closes phone)
(to audience) Anyway, Cinderella hasn’t been back since she got the award. Something to do with a problem with her clock. Pl-e-e-eze! And sometimes our messenger, Piglet … woops. (Goes to phone #.) Still there? I forgot. Is this Cinderella? Li-t-t-le Mermaid, of course. Your silver thingamabob got bent and you can’t use it to properly brush your hair anymore? We will have someone there tomorrow! Bye. “A silver … thingamabob!” (sighing) Translations please? I don’t speak mermaid! Duct tape will probably do the trick.
(Do all callers get the same treatment? Not exactly.)
(angrily, on phone) “Whistle While You Work, ya-da, ya-da, ya-da” Now, what do you want? (embarrassed, blushing, happier tone, giggly) Oh, Prince ... Charming! Yes. What seems to be the problem? Whatever your problems are, I’m sure we can ... I’m sure I can ... help. (glances toward phone #2) (sweetly) Yes, that is a phone ringing. We have two phones just so we can help people like you ... Prince ... Charming. A broken heart! My goodness. How will we ever fix a broken heart? You want to know where we are so you can visit? On a white horse ... how special! (sickening sweet) I think there are just too many brown horses. (looks at phone #2) Yes, it is loud. Yes, it is interrupting ... Of course. I’ll be right back.
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