HAIL CAESAR!

Group - Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2016

The real story about the day of Julius Caesar’s assassination has been uncovered after extensive research. Well, maybe not the truth, but perhaps it’s an even better tale as Caesar, his wife, and their servants take you on a hysterical whirlwind tour of the emperor’s last day on earth.

The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.

Duration

8 - 11 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females, 2 Males

Product Id: #860

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Price
$18.00
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Caesar

An excerpt …

Characters (4): Julius Caesar and his wife Calpurnia; Caesar’s guard, Sillius; Calpurnia’s handmaiden, Calamatus

CALPURNIA: (entering) Caesar! Julius, darling?

CAESAR: (entering) Yes, my love?

CALPURNIA: Are you dressed yet?

CAESAR: I can’t tell. My pajamas and my toga look so much alike. Am I dressed?

CALPURNIA: Close enough. Do you remember what today is?

CAESAR: Thursday?

CALPURNIA: I mean your schedule. You’re to address the Roman Senate today.

CAESAR: Oh. I knew there was something.

CALPURNIA: Look darling, I hate to bring this up, but I had this dream …

CAESAR: Not another dream! Calpurnia, you’re always having dreams. I’ve warned you about eating roast pig right before bedtime.

CALPURNIA: Oh, very well.

CAESAR: So what was the dream?

CALPURNIA: Oh, nothing.

CAESAR: Come on, tell me.

CALPURNIA: It was nothing … really.

SILLIUS: (a guard, bursting into the room and shouting) Hail Caesar!

CAESAR: (nearly jumping out of this skin) Would you stop that!!!?

CALPURNIA: What is it, Sillius?

SILLIUS: (still shouting) Your chariot awaits!

CAESAR: That’s it? You scared me half to death for that?

SILLIUS: Sorry, your highness.

CAESAR: Now leave me.

SILLIUS: Yes, sir. (shouting) Hail Caesar! (He exits.)

CAESAR: Stop that! My nerves … I think I need a pill. Now tell me about your dream.

CALPURNIA: Well, it was really nothing, but if you insist.

CALAMATUS: (a handmaiden, entering, shouting) Great Caesar!

CAESAR: (again, reacting with a start) Oh, good grief.

CALPURNIA: What is it, Calamatus?

CALAMATUS: (a very high-strung, rapid speaking, flibberjibbet) Something’s wrong! I just know that something’s wrong, because when I feel that something’s wrong then I just know that something’s wrong.

CAESAR: (a long pause, then) Is something wrong?

CALAMATUS: You knew! You already knew! How did you know? Oh, I should have known that you knew … you know. Then it must be true! It can’t be false if it must be true!

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