Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 1995

It's a heavenly scene when a football coach meets St. Pete at the Golden Gate. Audiences will say, 'First and Ten ... do it again!'

Price includes 2 scripts.


8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Males

Product Id: #211

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An excerpt …

(Welcome to heaven.)

PETE: (swings open the gate) Well, hello there!  Welcome!  I’m St. Pete.  We’ve been expecting you.

MAN: Really?  Hey, that’s great.  You know these Pearly Gates are even better than I’d heard.

            PETE: And these are just the outside Gates. Wait ‘til you get a load of the nice stuff.

            MAN: Uhh ... Am I dressed all right for this.  I mean, this faded football jersey isn’t the most …

            PETE: You look just fine.  Hang around awhile and you’ll see we don’t put much stock in appearances up here.  Don’t get us confused with where you came from.  Now ... uh ... (checking his clipboard) ... You’re a bit late.

MAN: Sorry.  I hope I haven’t done anything wrong.  I had to put away the equipment.

PETE: I understand. (smiles) Seems like there’s always one more thing to do.

(There’s the question about housing.)

MAN: (looks down at his worn spikes) Uh ... well I was thinking about ... you know, maybe, just a small mansion.

PETE: Mansion! (his eyes go heavenward ... in this case behind him and gives a broad grin) They’re all mansions!

MAN: Oh, I should have thought of that.  I haven’t worked out this game plan yet.  No scouting reports.  No videos.  I’ve ... uh ... always liked water.  You know, some water skiing, a porch extending out over the lake.

PETE: Sorry.  Housing up here is pro-rated according to the suffering endured on earth.  All the lake front property is owned by the Third World folks.

MAN: Oh.  Well, how about something in the mountains.  I went to the Rockies once.  Really liked the air.

PETE: (flips through listings) Let’s see ... mountains ... chalets, cabins, lodges ... sorry, coach.  That all goes to grandmothers and school secretaries.  We’ve got a few pastors sprinkled here and there ... the ones who didn’t drive Mercedes - - - and Mother Teresa.  You gotta visit her place when she gets here.  Gorgeous.  Right between a lake AND a mountain.  And I hear the parties at her place are gonna be outa this world!  I mean even outa THIS world!

(The job description is clarified.)

MAN: Look, I’m sorry to take all your time.  I mean, I’ll just take whatever’s left

over, you know.  I ain’t no saint … just a high school football coach and …

PETE: (grabs him by the shoulder) What did you say?

MAN: I said, I’m just a high school footba ...

PETE: A high school coach?  Why, you old fool!  Why didn’t you say so?  Forget about Mother Teresa!  We’ll give you her place.  She can take the condo next door!

MAN: But you said …

PETE: I thought you meant one of those over-paid professionals!  Listen bud, I’ve been to high schools games and heard the fans!  I know what you guys have to put up with!  Buddy! (puts arm around shoulder as they walk off together) Have you ever seen a real palace?


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