Comedy, by Robert L. Crowe, 2006
A man tries to give away a baseball ticket to the big game. Instead, he ends up going to an intellectual conversation.
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Product Id: #279
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An excerpt …
(Ralph tries to give away a baseball ticket)
RALPH: Oh, I’m not trying to buy a ticket. I have a ticket.
DUKE: (pause, then sarcastic) I’m very pleased for you. There’s no need to try to impress me with your ticket. I don’t care that you have a ticket. If you just want to talk with someone who’s going to the game, just wait. There will be plenty of them along in a few minutes.
RALPH: No. I don’t want to talk with anyone …
DUKE: Then why did you stop me?
RALPH: This isn’t going very well. Maybe we should start over.
DUKE: That won’t be necessary because we have already reached the end. (turns to leave)
RALPH: Wait! I asked if you were going to the game because I have an extra ticket.
DUKE: Just out of curiosity, how much are you ticket scalpers asking these days?
RALPH: Oh, I’m not trying to sell the ticket. I’m trying to give it away.
DUKE: (pause) What’s the catch?
(they chat for a while)
DUKE: (squares and looks at Ralph) What do you do?
RALPH: I’m an assistant in the catalogue department of …
DUKE: I would guess that you have been an assistant for a long time.
RALPH: Hey. How did you know?
DUKE: Lucky guess.
RALPH: (sticks out his hand) My name is Ralph but my friends call me … Ralph. (gives a feeble laugh)
DUKE: (no smile) Yes. (shakes hand with Ralph) I’m Duke.
RALPH: (does his best John Wayne impression) (hitches up pants and says) “I’ll tell you what, pilgrim. Don’t even think of reaching for that pennant!” (laughs) So. You want to go to the game?
DUKE: I’m on my way to the Socratic Coffee House. I meet some very informed people there for conversation on Saturday afternoons.
(Duke is very persuasive)
DUKE: Why don’t you come with me. Come to the Socrates Coffee House and add your ingredients to the recipe for mankind.
RALPH: But … the game.
DUKE: We have only a few opportunities. Our time is scarce. There will be a game every year.
RALPH: But … if we win …
DUKE: Read about it in the paper tomorrow. You being at the game won’t change the outcome. They don’t need you. Mankind needs you. We need you.
RALPH: Well … (takes tickets from pocket and looks at them) What’ll I do with these?
DUKE: Give them away.
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