DUD WARS

Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 1995

Two sisters continue the eternal battle for rights ... to each other's clothes, possessions ... you name it. Milk duds have a central role.

Price includes 2 scripts.

Duration

8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females

Product Id: #209

Price
$12.00
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An excerpt …

(The sister argument seems familiar.)

APRYL: (grabbing her and bringing her to a sitting position) You’re gonna listen and you’re gonna do it right now!

JILL: Hey!  What’s the deal?

APRYL: This! (displaying an imaginary shirt) This is the deal!

JILL: Your shirt.

APRYL: You recognize it!  And did I hear you say it was “My Shirt?”

JILL: Are you going through something, Apryl?  Maybe we can talk about it.

APRYL: You’re going through that wall if you don’t stop wearing my clothes!

JILL: Oh. That again.

(Good fences make good neighbors.)

JILL: Hey!  What’re you doin’ with my Milk Duds?

APRYL: (carefully making a row of the Milk Duds from upstage to downstage, drawing a neat division line) Drawing up our boundaries.

JILL: Boundaries?  What’re you talkin’ about?  You’re puttin’ my Milk Duds on the floor!  My Milk Duds!

APRYL: Since when did personal ownership mean anything to you?

JILL: Hey, we were just talkin’ about shirts.  You’re ... you’re contaminating my fortune now!

APRYL: (still putting the Milk Duds in a line) You want to make a war out of it, we’ll make a war.

JILL: War?  You’re startin’ a war with Milk Duds?  You can’t do that!  Milk Duds are peaceful!  They never hurt anybody!  Maybe fat and pimples, but not war!  You’ve flipped, Ape.

(It takes negotiations to respect boundary lines.)

APRYL: (giving up in a huff) Very well.  I’ll just wear something else. (bending over to get a shoe) At least I still have my shoes ... (stops, looks around) ... one shoe. (sees the other on Jill’s side of the room) ... need my other shoe.

JILL: Yeh, well, we’ll have to negotiate.

APRYL: I need my other shoe!

JILL: It’ll cost ya.

APRYL: Cost what?

JILL: Your yellow blouse. (they begin to move nose to nose over the line of Milk Duds)

APRYL: Then I get the shoe plus your hairdryer.

JILL: Throw in your lipstick and you got a deal.

APRYL: Not the high gloss.

JILL: The high gloss plus the hairspray.

APRYL: It’s your hairspray.

JILL: Oh.

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