Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 1995
What could be cool-est-er than an 'experienced' 7th grader giving much needed advice to a group of 6th grade boys. Our hero knows it all ...
Duration8 - 10 minutes
- 1 Male
Product Id: #103
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An excerpt …
(May I have your attention.)
Now! You may wonder what me, a veteran of the Jr. High System, is doing talking to you, a lowly group of
sixth-graders who will soon be entering Jr. High. The reason is simple: You Need Help! Believe me, I was like you once.
Don’t smirk, Green! I was just like you! Mr. Roger Green thinks he knows more than I do! Ha! Believe
me, guys, I’d have given anything to know what I know right now when I entered Jr. High ... a dopey, mealy-mouthed, innocent 7th-grader on the first day of Jr. High. So that’s why I gathered you all here in the boys’ locker room during your lunch break: To get you ready to be a Jr. High boy without making a complete fool of yourself Did I say somethin’ funny, Green? Then quit gigglin’! Geesh! Sixth-graders!
(There are certain rules about being in junior high.)
And now the Second “B” of being a Jr. High boy: Basketball. Gentlemen, up until now, basketball has been a pastime ... a hobby ... a sort of kiddy game to you. No longer! From the moment your feet hit those mildewed floors in the Jr. High locker room, the moment the first faint aroma of moldy towels and Right Guard hits your nostrils, basketball will be your life! Your passion! ... Uh, except for the first “B” I mentioned ... Your reason for living! You will think basketball, drink basketball, eat basketball ... Whatsa matter, Green? You’ve never eaten a basketball? Believe me, you’re coming close right now. You’re coming very, very close.
(The advice doesn’t end with advice about sports and girls.)
And now let me let you in on a secret that is usually hidden from Jr. High boys. No teacher will tell you this and you’ll find it in no book. It’s this: Once you enter Jr. High, a strange, mysterious illness will take control of your parents. That wonderful Mommy and Daddy whom you’ve loved and trusted all these years will suddenly become the two nosiest people in your life. That Dad who once taught you to shoot a basketball and bait a fishing hook, will begin to question every little thing you want to do. That dear Mother of yours who used to pack your lunch and put you on the school bus will suddenly begin saying “No” to everything you ask. They will both take a sudden interest in every cool thing you want to wear, they will suddenly start embarrassing you in public. In short, gentlemen, they will make your lives miserable.
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