Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 1996

Nurse Applebee is on duty in the ER room when Humpty-Dumpty comes in for treatment. They're both pretty good actors. Humorous.

Price includes 2 scripts.


8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 1 Female, 1 Male

Product Id: #205

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An excerpt …

(At the hospital emergency room.)

NURSE: (talking on the phone) No, it’s been quiet tonight. And thank goodness. When this hospital’s busy, it’s a madhouse. You should see some of the cases we get in here. It’s good to have one peaceful evening.

HUMPTY-DUMPTY: (from offstage) Get away from me!

NURSE: So much for that.

HD: (still offstage) Varlet! Release me from your clutches!

NURSE: Look, I’ll call you back. Sounds like we’ve got a mental case coming in.

HD: (entering, an extremely irate Humpty-Dumpty, limping) I heard that!

(He says he’s a great actor.)

NURSE: You might be, but you’ve also got some nasty bruises there, buddy. What’d you do?

HD: The great Humpty-Dumpty took a great fall!

NURSE: Great. So where does it hurt?

HD: Ah! The question is, Who does it hurt?  Thousands screaming out  for my return! Millions mourning the loss of their conquering hero! I can see the headlines: The Stage Goes Dark as Dumpty Declines!

NURSE: Got a temperature?

HD: Passion is my temperature! Tragedy is my pulse! 

NURSE: Look, are these questions too hard for you?

(A great actor, maybe but a non-cooperative one.)

HD: Broken? My career in shambles? The theatre ground to a stupefying halt, all because its greatest actor lies suffering at the hands of an antiseptic butcher? Broken? I am crushed, Nurse Orangepeel! I am crushed! (he collapses in a grand climax)

NURSE: (a pause, then) Applebee. Well, I don’t know if I’d call it crushed but you do look a little wrinkled around the edges. I’d better take your temperature.

HD: (suddenly coming to) Don’t take another step!

NURSE: But I’ve got to put this thermometer in your mouth.

HD: Nothing dwells in this mouth but the words of the world’s greatest dramatists.

NURSE: Well, there is one other alternative. Roll over.

HD: What?

NURSE: Roll over. Makes no difference to me.


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