Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 2011
Three rookies go to a cowboy camp to learn how to be outlaws. Not much chance of that.The number and gender of characters can be changed to accommodate available participants. Price is for a master script. Make as many copies as is required for your ensemble.
Duration8 - 10 minutes
- 4 Males
Product Id: #829
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An excerpt …
(learn how to be an outlaw)
PECOS: Alright, you worthless no-good greenhorns! Drag your tails out here and fall in line! So! You think you’re gonna be cattle rustlers, huh? You think you got what it takes to me a low-down sneak thief? A train robber? An outlaw? (he looks at them) Well? Do ya?
WILFRED: I’m sorry. Could you repeat that?
MYRON: What’d he say?
ZIPPY: Oh I do! I wanna be an outlaw! I wanna be a bad guy! Wanna see me shoot? Huh? Wanna see me shoot? I can shoot real good! You wanna see me?
PECOS: Zip it! You are one spastic steer, son. What the heck’s your name?
ZIPPY: Zippy! My name’s Zippy! But you can call me Dirty Dan because Dan’s a dirtier name than Zippy but I think Zippy’s pretty dangerous too, don’t you, Mr. Pecos?
(campers have little experience)
PECOS: Zip it, Zippy! (to Wilfred) What about you? You ever ride a horse?
WILFRED: Well, when I was very young. I mean, we all start out very young, don’t we? I mean, it wasn’t my fault, I was born that way. Young, I mean. My father bought me this tiny rocking horse and …
PECOS: Rockin’ horse?!
WILFRED: Red … mostly. Of course it had a little yellow and blue around the legs, but it was mostly red. Oh, how I loved my little Poppy. That’s the name I gave him … Poppy the Pony. Isn’t that darling?
PECOS: (a pause, then) Yeah. Darling. A red rocking horse.
(one of the class is missing)
ZIPPY: I knew it! I knew it! I shoulda pulled my gun. I shoulda pulled my gun! I knew something like this was gonna happen! I can shoot! Did I tell you I can shoot?
PECOS: Who was you gonna shoot, Ned or Wilfred?
MYRON: (to Zippy) Cool.
MYRON: (indicating Zippy) I found somebody dumber’n me.
PECOS: How in the heck am I supposed to run this camp for no-good cattle rustlers if all I got to work with is a bunch of no-good idiots?!
ZIPPY: I’ll find ‘im, Mr. Pecos! (jumping up on the horse) Come on, Ned! This is our big chance! Let’s go fetch Wilfred!
PECOS: Get off that horse!
ZIPPY: Yippee-Kai-O-Kai-Ay! (and with a startled scream Zippy is off! ... and offstage)
PECOS: Hey! Hey, come back here, runt! (as he’s gone) Dern.
MYRON: Zippy left.
PECOS: You catch on pretty fast, Myron.
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