Comedy, by Ken Bradbury, 1994

"It isn't easy bein' green." This exchange provides a soft, humorous tweet at prejudice. The scene is a cage in a pet shop between a magnificent (!) parrot and a green parakeet.

Price includes 2 scripts.


8 - 10 minutes

    Cast Options

  • 2 Females
  • 1 Female, 1 Male
  • 2 Males

Product Id: #204

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An excerpt …

(A  new bird comes to the pet shop.)

OSCAR [or POLLY]: (whistles) Hey! Babe [Hunk]! Over here! (whistles) Whatsa matter? Ain’t you never seen a parrot before? Yoo-hoo! Beautiful! Look at the pretty parrot. (squawks, flaps his wings) Geesh! Whadda ya want at these prices ... Sylvester Stallone [Dolly Parton]? (singing to self) “Yes, you can talk to the animals...walk with the animals ... screech and scrack and squawk with the animals ... And they can talk to ...” (Perdy is dropped in nearly knocking him/her off the perch) Whoa! Holy Cockatoos! Whata you think you’re doin’?

PERDY: (a smaller, much shyer bird) I’m sorry.

OSCAR: Sorry? Sorry? I’m sittin’ here, King [Queen] of the pet store ... most gorgeous parrot in the Mall and you come floppin’ in here like a 747 and nearly knock me off my perch and you tell me you’re sorry?

(There is some disdain for the new resident.)

OSCAR: Cute? And what would you know? You’re a parakeet! A parakeet! Not a full blown, regular, All-American Technicolor parrot! A parakeet! Keet! Keet! That means “small, insignificant, puny ...” Para-keet! Para ... that means two! That means you’re double puny!

PERDY: I really can’t help that.

OSCAR: A parrot ... now there’s a majestic bird. A noble bird. A bird of destiny. No pirate worth his salt would ever be without one! You ever see a parakeet on a pirate’s shoulder? They’d laugh him off the ship. “Hardy-har-har mate ... What’s that little wart you got hangin’ from your shoulder?” Ha!

PERDY: But surely there’s some ... some use for us.

OSCAR: Sure there is! They send you down in the coal mines to check for poison gas! Now there’s a flashy occupation! “Bird’s dead boys. Better stay home today!”

(Then, we find the problem.)

OSCAR: I have no prejudice against any bird! Purple, gray, black, brown or ...

PERDY: Or green?

OSCAR: I ...

PERDY: Or green?

OSCAR: (looking around) Isn’t it getting close to feeding time?

PERDY: Green scares you doesn’t it?

OSCAR: What?!

PERDY: You’re afraid of green.

OSCAR: I am not!

PERDY: Look, you’re bigger than me. You’re stronger. You could pick me off with a single peck.

OSCAR: Look, this entire conversation is feather-brained. Besides, I ... (stops himself) ...


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